Letting in the Light

Today is only Tuesday but I would believe it if someone told me it was really Friday.  We were only pretending today was Tuesday. Everyone loves to play pretend, right?

Yesterday was my first day back to work. I had taken a little less than four weeks off from work thinking that would be enough to physically heal, mentally regroup and tie up most of our administrative loose ends. Turns out it takes a lot longer than four weeks to do all of that. Who knew?

Physically, things have calmed down. Sometimes my mind, body and heart don't all agree but I'm still moving, brain bustling and the blood is coursing in efforts to fuel my soul.

Several people have told me how strong I am. Others have asked where do I get this kind of strength?

I'll tell you an unsecret. I don't have strength. No, it is just that my heart and soul hasn't completely shut down. What an amazing self-discovery!

There have been many moments of sheer collapse.  It is strange because it isn't until your own most difficult times do you realize what virtues (that your fellow good citizen strives for) are ones you'd kept blissfully contained. 

I came back to the office after the company finished renovations to convert all of the cubicles and office walls to glass and a more open concept layout.  There have been reactions spanning each spectrum. Even stranger ... I, usually an outspoken advocate for causes and an enthusiastic picketer, haven't really felt anything about the changes one way or another. No overtly positive or adverse opinions.

I do notice the light that now floods the occupied and cramped space. I'm generally very sensitive to light due to my chronic migraines but so far, I haven't minded the light.

On the contrary, it reminds me of a quote that I'm fond of:

I keep the subject of my inquiry constantly before me, and wait till the first dawning opens gradually, by little and little, into a full and clear light.

~ Isaac Newton

I'm a notorious planner.

I'm a closet sentimental.

Now, I'm also the glass "a little more full".

Before this month, I did not even realize I was living in the dark but I'm opening up to the light and soaking it in.