Friday, November 19, 2010


Most people don't realize their own imprint on this world. Movies have been made, books have been written and philosophers have lamented the same to expose this truth. Yet it is a revelation to that person who realizes what importance they contribute to another person, a place or just themselves. It cannot be taught or learned, it simply must be believed.

For someone to leave such an impact usually requires time. For those someones who have not been able to experience that luxury, what impact do they impart? Is there any?

I say "Yes" - emphatically.

Nari and Matthew have made such permanent impressions on our hearts. The kind of impression that leaves an aching bruise slow to heal. It has changed our lives forever.

This ache and the burning desire to let our angels know that they have left their mark in this world resulted in permament marks of our own:

Ken's fresh ink
Fresh ink ... also most probably my first (and last)

I have never felt more compelled to show what I feel inside on the outside.
          And now?
                    It shows.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Baby Steps

Time does not necessarily make things better but it does make things easier.
It is easier to tell my children's stories and talk about their lives. I find it to be a healing process to do so.

That's just me.

It is easier to go about the business of living.
Waking up, making meals, going to work and making idle chit-chat.

Eventually, I know sleep will come easier.
Slowly, energy and physical activity is becoming easier.

What's in store for our future?

We don't know but you know that saying "Where there's a will, there's a way"?
For us, it is "Where there is a way, we have the will".

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Humble Gratitude

"Rise up; this matter is in your hands. We will support you, so take courage and do it."
Ezra 10:4

Although many of you have credited us with having the courage and optimism that has allowed us to maintain our hope, we cannot imagine having done all this alone. Through the outpouring of your tears, messages, cards, visits, phone calls, emails, condolences and thoughtful gifts and gestures, we are truly blessed. We just didn't expect all of this and are not used to all the attention.

Most times, it seems grossly inadequate to simply tell someone thank you. We want so much for our family and friends to understand that the "thank you" we're desperately trying to convey holds so much more than the nonchalant thank you's we exchange everyday to the waiter for bringing your food or the cashier giving you your receipt.

Here is our homage of thanks in the form of pictures and words taken from the cards and emails we've received. They are in no particular order, sender's names are not mentioned and these are certainly not all-inclusive.

When your heart needs reprieve and your strength is running low, I will share your tears.

In the hardest things we do ... love sees us through.

If you need some distraction, I would be happy to come see you and play the clown.

A wish for hope and for comfort ...

In these days and nights of sorrow, know that you are not alone but are in the prayers, the thoughts, and hearts of those who care.

I hope you will be able to take comfort in whatever vision you each may have of heaven.

... pray that you have the strength to get through this. You and Ken are in my thoughts and prayers.

We are both here for you when you are ready.

If you need anything, you know where to ask.

I send only my greatest thoughts and warmest love to you at this time.

Our hearts ache with yours; we pray for comfort and healing during this difficult time.

If you ever need an escape or a shoulder to cry on, please always feel free to give me a call.

Let me know and I'll be there whenever.

I just want to let you know that I will do ANYTHING that you want ... I will be there for a shoulder to cry on, go out, make you dinner, ANYTHING!!! I love you!

To suffer a loss like yours is to know a loss unlike any other ... it means letting go of a beautiful part of your life.

Ken and I both want everyone to know that we're still optimistic about the future and are taking steps to realize our dreams. Thank you all for the many things - especially the intangible things - that you've given us. We are enveloped by the warmth of your prayers and wishes.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


We've been through a lot and I can't speak for my husband but I can tell you what I've learned during our fertility struggles and tragic experiences.

I've learned that ...
   ... grief is like a common cold. There is no cure, it lingers and only time will heal it.
   ... it is important to pay attention to yourself.
   ... you must let yourself recover both physically AND emotionally.
   ... I love this quote: "Learn from Yesterday, Live for Today and Hope for Tomorrow".
   ... there is no right way to mourn a loss, there is only your own way.
   ... we must take care of ourselves before others.
   ... it is ok to lean on your spouse, your family and your friends for support and love.
   ... we don't dwell on the past but dream about our future.
   ... asking for privacy or declining a question is not rude, it is a right.
   ... you shouldn't feel guilty about having a happy moment, laughing again or enjoying your life.

Unless you're someone who has been through a similar experience, it's difficult to come close to understanding how the mind races and the heart aches for someone who said hello and goodbye in one breath. We don't pretend to know everything. We certainly didn't want to be experts on grief and loss.

Simply put, the construct of our mourning has not and does not consume our lives, it brings more meaning to it.

Ken and I truly appreciate all of our family and friends who have kept us in their thoughts and prayers these past few weeks.