Home Bound

Just to start off, I'd like to give you an update on my coveted snow cone machine ... that never materialized. The one that I wanted to get wasn't in stock at the store ... so now I'm debating whether to order the darn thing online or just scrap the entire idea.

The weather here is cooler now (well, today) so the urgency and desire for it has dwindled considerably. We're in NH so by now, we usually see the leaves changing to mark the Fall season. A handful have but because the weather has been so unpredictable, the plants seem to be confused what time of year it is. I have spring flowers blooming!

In other news, my doctor told me at my most recent office visit this past week that she would like me to stay home until the babies are born. My work schedule had already been decreased to three days in the office and two days at home. So until further notice, I'll be working from home full time now (except the few days I'll trek into the office to train my temp). Unfortunately, the temp hasn't even been hired yet so let's just hope nothing happens until I'm able to put in a few solid days of training.

The rest of the visit just talked about any other symptoms I may be experiencing. I think it's a lot of the usual stuff that happens at this point in the journey. Ligament pain, soreness, fatigue, pressure and the overall feelings of "Enough already!"

Honestly, most of it isn't horrible except trying to extricate myself from the pillow fortress I must recreate in bed each night to get to the bathroom in the dead of night ... only to find that by the time I get there and sit down, someone has moved.

Pee? What pee?

I still have several weeks to go since I am not scheduled for my C-Section until the week before Thanksgiving. I'm usually the one who cooks Thanksgiving dinner every year - bird to all the fixins - but I won't be doing any cooking at all this year. I've been told by my husband that he will be ordering turkey dinner in (which I'm wary of) but I'll leave those details to him for once. I'll be busy juggling babies' feeding schedules!

Nothing new in the nursery yet.

Baby shower is this Sunday though!

Ken has been working hard to keep as many details a secret as possible.

Pictures and details to follow ...

Letting in the Light

Today is only Tuesday but I would believe it if someone told me it was really Friday.  We were only pretending today was Tuesday. Everyone loves to play pretend, right?

Yesterday was my first day back to work. I had taken a little less than four weeks off from work thinking that would be enough to physically heal, mentally regroup and tie up most of our administrative loose ends. Turns out it takes a lot longer than four weeks to do all of that. Who knew?

Physically, things have calmed down. Sometimes my mind, body and heart don't all agree but I'm still moving, brain bustling and the blood is coursing in efforts to fuel my soul.

Several people have told me how strong I am. Others have asked where do I get this kind of strength?

I'll tell you an unsecret. I don't have strength. No, it is just that my heart and soul hasn't completely shut down. What an amazing self-discovery!

There have been many moments of sheer collapse.  It is strange because it isn't until your own most difficult times do you realize what virtues (that your fellow good citizen strives for) are ones you'd kept blissfully contained. 

I came back to the office after the company finished renovations to convert all of the cubicles and office walls to glass and a more open concept layout.  There have been reactions spanning each spectrum. Even stranger ... I, usually an outspoken advocate for causes and an enthusiastic picketer, haven't really felt anything about the changes one way or another. No overtly positive or adverse opinions.

I do notice the light that now floods the occupied and cramped space. I'm generally very sensitive to light due to my chronic migraines but so far, I haven't minded the light.

On the contrary, it reminds me of a quote that I'm fond of:

I keep the subject of my inquiry constantly before me, and wait till the first dawning opens gradually, by little and little, into a full and clear light.

~ Isaac Newton

I'm a notorious planner.

I'm a closet sentimental.

Now, I'm also the glass "a little more full".

Before this month, I did not even realize I was living in the dark but I'm opening up to the light and soaking it in.